I spent years on the “default path” — chasing job security, promotions, and prestige. But over time, I found myself increasingly disconnected from the work I was doing and the values behind it. This is a story of quiet misalignments, slow-burning exhaustion, and eventually, the courage to walk away.

Now, I’m hoping to reconnect — with the world, with like-minded people, and to support others in whatever way I can along the way.

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Tracing My Steps

I studied financial mathematics in graduate school and nearly couldn’t land a job after graduation. Eventually, I managed to get a data analyst role in Chicago. Around that time, I reconnected with a friend, and we decided to start an ecommerce business together. We made the bold decision to build our own website from scratch — and that’s how I first got into coding for a real project.

I had almost no formal training, so I learned everything on my own: front-end, back-end, infrastructure. Along the way, I also worked on a few small side projects involving code. The ecommerce business didn’t go far, but after a year of self-study and hands-on work, I began applying to software/data engineering roles and landed my first engineering job in 2018.

My career was soon disrupted by the H1B visa lottery. I didn’t get selected, and although my director supported transferring me to a China branch, headquarters in Korea didn’t approve it. I was terminated and had to find a way to return to the U.S.—not just for my career, but because my girlfriend (now my wife) and I wanted to build a life there.

I got interviewed by a small company in Los Angeles. They liked me, and we agreed that I’d set up a company in China to provide remote software services as a consultant (40 hours/week), which is the only way to legalize work relationships, while they sponsored my H1B application. I also flew back to Chicago to ask my former boss for help — and thankfully, they agreed to sponsor a second H1B application in exchange for part-time software development work (20 hours/week). This gave me a roughly 75% chance of getting selected.

While waiting for the H1B result in China, I was working over 80 hours a week — splitting my time between two software jobs and a solo side business I started in short-term rentals. I scaled the rental business to six apartments and used my coding skills to automate everything I could. I hoped one day to turn that software into a product. Despite the long hours and the looming pandemic that later hit hard, it was one of the most exciting periods of my life. I was learning and building every single day.

Then the good news arrived — I was selected for the H1B and returned to the U.S. in 2020. Over the past five years, I followed a more traditional path in tech: learning, struggling, getting better at interviews, and changing jobs for better opportunities. In 2022, dissatisfied with my salary, I doubled down — practicing LeetCode and diving into system design books. It paid off: I landed 8 offers, even though the market wasn’t great.

At that point, I felt like a winner. I believed I had everything under control — and that as long as I stayed on the path, things would keep getting better.

What’s Wrong?

There wasn’t a single moment that pushed me to leave — it was more like a slow buildup of small misalignments that became increasingly hard to ignore.

On paper, the job looked great. I worked at a well-known company with supportive managers and talented coworkers. The compensation was okay. By most standards, it was a good environment for growth. But over time, I felt more and more disconnected. I realized I had been following a default path — working hard, chasing promotions — without ever asking whether that path truly aligned with what I wanted.

There are so many things you simply can’t control. Some decisions come from the top, and you’re expected to execute without question. It became hard to stay passionate when there was little room to truly drive or shape the work. On paper, I was “owning” the project — but in reality, it felt more like assembling a puzzle with all the pieces already chosen. You gather requirements, inherit constraints, and are told to use dependencies A, B, and C — because that’s just how things are done. You coordinate with other teams, only to have your work bottlenecked by the weakest link in the system.

Honestly, I didn’t feel like I was driving anything. It felt like some invisible hand was guiding the project, and I was just along for the ride. I didn’t mean to build something shitty — but somehow, it ended up that way. That’s what made it so frustrating. Being a good engineer doesn’t always mean you get to build good software.

Eventually, I realized I was no longer motivated by the work — just the paycheck. That was a wake-up call. I stopped caring. I felt out of sync with the kind of impact I wanted to make, and with how success was defined at the company. To grow, you had to follow a very specific, narrow path — and it wasn’t one I was excited about.

To be fair, there’s a lot I could’ve done better. I could have been more vocal, more strategic, better at selling my ideas. But I’ve come to accept that even if I had done everything “right”, it might not have changed how I felt.

I don’t want a job where I’m just getting through the days and using vacations to escape. I want to feel engaged, energized, and connected to the work I do. And despite all the good parts, this job just wasn’t giving me that anymore.

The Turning Point

I had been thinking about it for several months, but I couldn’t bring myself to make the final decision. I was afraid of the uncertainty. I kept telling myself I needed to have a solid plan before I could walk away.

Then I came across a book called The Pathless Path, and it hit me hard. I saw so much of myself in the author’s story. His message really stuck with me: you don’t need to have it all figured out. It’s okay to not have a plan — as long as you’re willing to embrace uncertainty.

That mindset opened a door I had never considered before. Of course, there’s risk. There’s a real chance I might not land on anything concrete for a while. But that’s okay. The journey itself will be meaningful — and at least I’ll know I tried. That’s why I finally made the decision. No regrets.

What Excites Me?

Back in college, I tried computer science courses because that was the trend, but it never clicked. I found the curriculum not interesting at all, and I struggled to stay engaged. I failed the data structures course with an F.

But a few years later, something changed. While building the ecommerce website, I felt a strong internal drive to learn things I had once dismissed or been intimidated by. I became completely immersed in coding. When I hit problems I couldn’t solve, I reached out to every friend I knew in tech. I devoured many Udemy courses, not just about coding but also DevOps, cloud architecture, data systems — anything that could help me move forward.

What I’ve realized is this: I get excited when I’m working on something I care about — especially when I have ownership and room to experiment. I love the challenge of taking an idea and turning it into something real, solving problems along the way, and learning through doing. That kind of creative momentum — where I’m both building and growing — is what excites me most.

What’s … Next?

I’ve been deeply inspired by the priorities shared by Paul Millerd, the author of The Pathless Path. And after struggling for years with poor sleep and a chronic cough, I’ve realized how much both have affected my life. While I can’t fully control the cough, I can try my best to sleep well every single day. When I sleep well, I feel alive — and even if the cough is still there, it becomes minor and manageable. With that in mind, I’m putting health first. That means daily exercise, better routines, and no more excuses.

Next is relationships. After working from home for the past eight years, I’ve grown more introverted and socially withdrawn. It’s become harder to meet people, but I know it’s time for change. Working remotely isn’t a real excuse — I used it, perhaps unconsciously, to avoid putting myself out there. I want to find like-minded people, reconnect with the world, and offer help where I can.

For years, I followed the default path — chasing good grades, good jobs, and promotions. I achieved some of those goals, but much of it didn’t feel joyful. At times, it didn’t even feel like real growth. On that path, you’re rewarded for delivering value defined by others. And because the expectations are already set, there’s little space for creativity. Now, I want to explore a different kind of growth — one that feels meaningful and joyful. I’m not exactly sure what that looks like, or where to begin, but maybe that’s okay. There’s something worth discovering on this path, and I’m curious to see where it leads.

Lastly, career. I’ve felt a split in myself, just like the author described. One part of me is still on the default path — eager to figure out the next step, crack more interviews, and land another solid job. That path might be the easiest way to become “successful” again. But the other part of me is wandering — curious, uncertain, and weirdly excited by not knowing what’s next. The two sides have coexisted for a while, and I’m learning to live with that tension. For now, I’m intentionally putting my career last.

Let's Connect!

I’m prioritizing relationships and hoping to connect with like-minded people. I’m also doing my best to offer support to others as I navigate my own pathless journey. To make that easier, I’ve opened up a few time slots each week that anyone can book.

If you’re on a similar path — or just want to chat, or are simply curious — I’m here to listen and help however I can. And if we end up sharing a deep, meaningful conversation, that alone would be a gift.

I’m genuinely curious about each of you. Life takes so many forms and directions — and I’m sure I’ll be inspired by your stories.

Gratitude

I'm deeply grateful to my wife. Even though she's not on the same pathless journey, she's supported me in every possible way — emotionally, practically, and with endless patience. She's seen all my doubts and struggles up close, yet never stopped believing in me. I honestly can’t imagine any of this without her.